Have you turned into someone you don't like?
Have you ever heard someone say they are happy when a relationship ends, that they turned into someone they didn’t want to be, someone they didn’t like? Maybe it didn’t make sense to you at the time, or perhaps it hit a little too close to home. So often we enter into relationships with our own ideas of how the world should work. We may see another person’s real or perceived faults and tell ourselves that they are fixable, they can be moulded. Our first instinct or reaction to something we don’t like is to try and control it. The reality that we cannot control others is one that we have difficulty admitting. It seems more logical to compulsively do the same things over and over to try and solve the same problems. We repeat the same arguments, make threats, accusations, give ultimatums, and the silent treatment. What can happen in relationships, is that we lose ourselves. We become so consumed with the other person and their behaviour that we forget about our own life. We put ourselves on the back burner. We neglect our own self-care and whether conscious or not we resent it. Learning to identify your own needs can be a challenge if you have spent a long time focusing on someone else. Taking care of your own needs and problems can feel uncomfortable and even selfish at times. Once you have identified your needs, you can learn to communicate these in a healthy way. The other person can still choose not to meet these needs. You are responsible for your own decisions, no one else's. To learn more about how I can help you with healthy communication, self-esteem or relationships book a free consultation at kennedymclean.janeapp.com